"I was, admittedly, partially responsible for this failure. I was slow to finish my degree, and then once I did, I wasn't very diligent in my job hunt. I was picky because I don't care much for capitalism, or productivity, or rate of return, or getting up in the morning. I like to write, which at that moment of my life, I didn't even dare admit to myself, didn't even entertain it as a life choice. So I dragged my feet on getting a job"
"When I decided to get an abortion, what I wanted - a child that I would think of before thinking of myself - wasn't actually what I wanted. It was the result of the complicated equation of being a woman, of having been raised as such, and of having fit the mould so comfortably. I had to have an abortion before I could reconceptualize a desire for motherhood that belonged entirely to me, where I wasn't shoved aside, a passenger in my own life, numb to my own future possibilities"
"Birth control, by preventing unplanned pregnancies as much as possible, put abortion in the category of subjects that I only thought about hypothetically, without considering it as something that could potentially happen to me. In one sense, I never wanted to have to think about it because no matter where I was on my maternal journey, abortion was a sensitive subject for me, personally. Even though I was convinced of the absolute necessity of free, accessible abortion for all, I didn't want to be part of this "all." I didn't want to have to confront a choice that I knew on a subconscious level would not be easy for me. An unplanned pregnancy while on birth control brings to light an uncomfortable, unthinkable idea. If I was on birth control, it's because I didn't want to get pregnant. There shouldn't have been even a moment of indecision. There was no doubt and no regret; I had my birth control as justification. I could say (to myself): "Of course I don't want this, I didn't want this, and here's the proof." And I thought that idea was all it would take for an abortion to be chosen, painless, and untroubled"
"They tell me that since abortion is a choice, society wants it to be a choice that is easy and untroubled. I think, ferociously, my agreement reinforced by the range of emotions visible in their eyes, that those who have had abortions are generally told: You've made your bed, so lie in it. You wanted it, you got it, now shut your mouth and smile. And I ask these women if that isn't unlike what those who become mothers are also told: You wanted it, you got it, now shut your mouth and smile. Don't mention the difficulties that you're going through because it's not done, it's unseemly, it's immoral, it's unattractive. You're happy you had a child. You're happy you had an abortion. It's all white, because if it were black or even a little grey, it would be too complicated. Women don't have the right to be complex. Our multiple dimensions don't have the luxury of unfolding, so narrow is the space we're afforded"
"When it comes to bodies and experience, it's not the number that strengths the argument. It's tempting to present the right to abortion in its best light. Like me, with my cut-and-dried story of getting pregnant while on birth control, or like the rhetoric that places the emphasis on pregnancies resulting from rape or incest. The truth is that anyone should be able to have an abortion without shame, even when it's because you weren't paying close enough attention, even when you were irresponsible, even when you fuck up. Having a child should never be a punishment"
"I worry that in always removing men from the results of birth-control failures (or in the numerous instances when they insist on not wearing a condom, when they don't offer to pay for half of non-reimbursed contraception, or when they don't see sex as anything other than vaginal penetration for their own benefit), they continue to be sheltered from the very concrete outcomes of their ejaculations"
"The idea occurred to me that if we (feminists) have so much trouble making room for men who might want to discuss abortion, it's because we're hyper-aware of the fact that women still don't have the right to talk about it freely. It's those constantly exasperating double standards that always fall in favor of men - who have the right to say everything, think everything - that makes their comments on such a sensitive topic so bitter to us"
"After my abortion, I was filled with rage at not having been in a situation that would have allowed me to see that pregnancy through. I imagined another life for myself where I had a comfortable salary in a job where I worked thirty-five hours a week. Since it's statistically impossible to earn a living from writing at twenty-three years old, that parallel dimension also entailed that writing would no longer be at the centre of my existence. That could have been a great existence, but it wasn't the one that I aspired to, and deeply. Choosing my abortion gave me the space to realize myself"